Game Recap: Tavares 4, NonJT Isles 1 Canes 2

Hahahahaha.

TO THE RECAPPING!

NEW YORK ISLANDERS @ Team With Flushing Toilet logo that should still be named HARTFORD WHALERS!

The best Flushing Toilet is Cam Ward. I love him. He is Billy Smith II. I hate Eric Staal, and stupid Sutter spawn that Doug Weight knocked out.  Skinner and Faulk are cute, but they play for KIRK PIECE OF SHIT LOWLIFE MUELLER {/Iron_Shiek_Voice}, SO STFU.

TO THE GAME:

MV-PA from Tavares. Powerplay is cash money. Its why Biased NHL wouldnt give us any against stupid Leafs.

Moulson from PA and Streiter. Moneies on the Powerplay.

Carolina roars back on nifty backhgand roofjob and a ridiculous goal where a guy was laying on Pouuuulliinnnn. Stupid Skinner.

Matt Martin staplegunning bitches. Travis Hamonic holds the hammer that says on it ‘Whosoever Holds This Hammer, If He Be Worthy, shall possess the power of the Mighty Thor!”. And Poulin is downright nasty. I love.

2-2 game… getting late, momentum all Flushing Toilets. And then Tavares happens. And then Tavares happens Again. And then Tavares happens again again.

1 helper setting up Okposolypse Now, 2 hammer jobs from N HL’s 4th leading scorer, the Marginally Talented JT91.

Who is third in the league in Game Winning Goals, despite not being clutch as Neil Greenberg explained to us.

Wondrous win.

John Buccigross has referred to Tavares as ‘Filthy Mittens”.

I shall call him “Unmitigated Splendor.”

I leave you with these:

“BAH GOD KING, THAT’s JOHN TAVARES’ MUSIC!”

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The New York Islanders come to Kings County: No Sleep Til Brooklyn

Been sitting on this for months. Since it leaked today that October 2nd, YOUR NEW YORK ISLANERS will host the Devils in my home of BROOKKLLLLYNNN, today is a good day, as Ice Cube would say.

Other than family and friends, there may not be two things I love more in my life than The Islanders and my home, Brooklyn.

This is it. I became a fan in 2001. An arena in Brooklyn would represent our first stability since I became a fan. Not that constant nagging “is this another year to the end?” That alone is worth its weight in gold.

Limiting myself to ten reasons why the Islanders in Brooklyn would kick ass is tough. There’s a lot more. But I’ll stay with ten. First, I’ll give some time to the opposition arguments. Chief among them is the stance that the Isles aren’t a city team, but rather a suburban one. Sorry y’all. That argument doesn’t work anymore. It’s not the 1970s. To exist, a pro sports team needs either a large market and all the revenue streams that come from it, or an insanely unique situation like the Green Bay Packers.  Long Island is NOT, nor will it ever be confused for Green Bay. At the mention of Green Bay, there is one thing that pops into people’s heads. It’s Vince Lombardi & Bart Starr. It’s Brett Favre. It’s Aaron Rodgers. It’s the World freaking Champion Green Bay Packers. That’s it. On Long Island, as revered as the Isles are by their diehard loyalists, they are often the farthest thing from people’s minds.

The other argument I love is that those cups were won in Uniondale. They sure were. Moving about 30 minutes didn’t slow the Giants or Jets. It won’t affect the Islanders. Part of that change is the fanbase, which could certainly change slightly, but we’ll get to that.

Without any further adieu, here’s why the New York Islanders need to be screaming “ ‘No. Sleep. ‘Til. BROOKLYN!”

  •  Three’s a crowd – The intensity of having 3 teams within an hour of one another is amazing. Let’s dial it up to 3 teams within 20 minutes. That’d be unmatched in sports. Hockey would bring the dynamic that baseball had killed in the 50’s back to the NYC Metro area, sight unseen since the days of Willie, Mickie, and the Duke.
  • Size matters – Brooklyn, on it’s own independently of the other boroughs, serves as the 4th largest city in America with 2.5 MILLION people.
  • Stop being the used, start being the powerbroker – Nassau County has extorted the Islanders for the better part of their 40 years, as the team is saddled with a crippling lease and has spent the last 10 years as the politicians on both sides of the aisle use them as a political football. Get out of a place that has used and abused you. Nassau politics are hell. I can already sense the distrusting of ALL politicians. Absolutely fine. Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.  But the thing about Brooklyn politics is this: They are dynastic. THERE ARE TWO FAMILIES THERE. The Goldens, and the Markowitzes. Both want the team there, as does principal owner of the Barclay’s Center (and Wang buddy!) and Partial Nets Owner Bruce Ratner.
  • All aboard a crazy train – Amtrak Metro North. The Long Island Rail Road. And Every New York City MTA line is at most one transfer away. That’s a stark difference for  a team that for the first for decades of it’s existence has had NO viable mass transit exposure.
  • Charles Wang, Homecoming King – Charlie has endured pissing away 200 million on this team, endured being used by 2 sets of politicians. He is also, as I have documented, a jackass. But, It’s time for him to dish out some payback. Kate Murray (R, Town of Hempstead) and Jay Jacobs (D, Party Leader in State of NY), have both dumped on this team for the last time. Each said essentially “they will come to us with a deal on our terms, because they have no where else to go.” Wrong, Jackasses. Charles Wang by god may be a Long Island institution. He’s made MILLIONS there. But last I checked, there are 4 counties on Long Island, and the western most is Kings County, more commonly known as Brooklyn. Charles Wang graduated from a school around the block from the Barlay’s Center many years ago, Brooklyn Technical High School. It’s sports facility located two blocks away bears the name “Charles B. Wang Sports Complex”.  That’s his stomping grounds. Daddy Wang’s coming home.
  • The time is NOW – This team is on the cusp of as Puck Daddy’s Greg Wyshynski said “being the next Blackhawks”. What P-Daddy was referring to was the nostalgia explosion and “life long” fans jumping back on the band wagon with both feet and pulling out jerseys that make my Volek, Isbister, and Vukota sweaters look obscure. Cool. I for one welcome our new Bandwagon overlords, but if I see you rocking a Mike Comrie, Kirk Mueller or Chris Campoli sweater, I’m knocking your teeth out. Janne Niinimma, too. Dear God. Marc-Andre Bergeron?  What a turnover prone assface. Where was I? Oh yes, the NHL doesn’t want a team’s return to prominence to be mired by off ice uncertainty. I could have said that far more succinctly, but then I couldn’t have namedropped part of my jersey collection.
  • AMERICAN TRADITION, Eff Yeah! There’s some American franchises that can boast as much Tradition as the New York Islanders. There’s exactly one that can boast more. Detroit. Holla, Wings fans, there’s your dap. As for the Rangers? SCREW ‘Em. What kind of tradition is taking the Cold War off? You’ve won ONE CUP SINCE D-DAY. Shut the hell up. Bruins? Hawks? Both had lengthy periods of irrelevance, just like the NYI. Both had periods of ass-kicking, though none were as lengthy as 19 consecutive playoff series, spawning 4 championships, 8 Hall of Famers (9 if you count legendary Broadcaster Jiggs McDonald) and the greatest State-side dynasty this sport has ever seen.  I don’t apologize for those facts. I wear them proudly. I’ll take our tradition against any team in the States. No, Philly, Nystrom was onsides. You lost, eat a goat’s crap. Pete Peters sucked. Going 30 years without an NHL Goalie isn’t “tradition”. The Penguins? I didn’t know admitting tanking constituted tradition. Do you remember when Kaspariatis  knocked Jagr the hell out and Krupp hung a stuffed Penguin? Jagr doesn’t either. You mullet wearing chump. Oh, dammit. I went off on a tangent again. The only other American team IN THE DISCUSSION is the Devils. Who the fuck else rates in terms of tradition? Nobody.  Why all this talk about American teams anyhow? That’s a facet to the tradition I’m talking about. Haven’t seen it in oh,70 years. AMERICAN. Tradition.  BROOKLYN. AMERICAN. New York’s first team. The Brooklyn Americans. Also known as the New York Americans. A team the Rangers forced out of existence in 1942. Red Dutton’s 54 year hex was a bit of a bitch for payback, wasn’t it? Anyway, An Isles colored Amerks sweater would actually probably be the highest selling Third jersey in NHL History. And I’d wear that sweater every damn day.
  • Market Viability – “They don’t support the team now!” that’s what those croissant eating latte swirling vultures in Quebec are saying now, because much like Winnipeg, they’ve forgotten the pain of losing a team and want to give it to another fanbase. In Kansas City, no one cares. They can’t support the goddamn Royals, for christsakes. Noone is clamoring for a SCOUTS return. Brooklyn isn’t a secondary market in Canada, or a DOUBLE A city in the heartland. It’s the engine for the financial capitol of the world, New York Freaking City. One of my best friends from Buffalo, is Mr. Civic Pride. I can’t get it. Why? Because, to quote a character from Warren Ellis exceptional ‘Nextwave’ “I’M FROM F*CKING BROOKLYN.” It’s better than your hometown and we all know it. Even those of us who bitch about living here would unload on your home the moment you presumed to mention it with an air of superiority in relation to “the Borough that’s Thorough”. The ‘demographics don’t support traditional hockey’ they say. That’s fine. The sheer numbers of 2.5Million people will lead to a presence. And the civic pride Brooklynites feel is more insane than anything anywhere else in the world can offer. Those Nikes with BROOKLYN plastered on the side? Highest selling sneaker they make at the moment. One of the highest selling pieces of throwback merchandise the MLB makes is a Brooklyn Dodgers hat. BROOKLYN is a brand all in and of itself. Deny this at your own peril. Nobody can offer the market size, the marketability that Brooklyn does. Sure, other markets may want ‘A’ team. Brooklyn wants THIS team. Move the banners, the Cups, and the Maulers of the Meadowbrook about 35 minutes down the LIE to the BQE.  It’s destiny. Orange and Blue are the colors of Nassau? Guess what… they fly on the NYC flag, too.
  • Reunited And it feels so good –  I’m a firm believer in karma. Everything happens for some reason. Let’s turn back the clock to 1972! There were 2 tenants in the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum. One was your New York Islanders. The other was the New York Nets. The Nets were the ABA’s equivalent of the 1980s New York Islanders. They kicked ass and took names, until the Knicks butt-plundered them,  forcing them to pay 2 separate territory fees upon entering the NBA. This led to them losing some Dr. J fellow and waking up like a homeless dude in the last car of the Path train in the Meadowlands in 1981. They’ve been fighting to get back on the right path since then, occasionally showing flashes of brilliance that ended like a Jayson Williams shotgun blast at close range. These 2 teams were united not just by being co-inhabitants of the NVMC by the insane fees and presumed label of inferiority placed upon them by the residents of the World’s Most Famous Mouse House (Really? 54 examples of Mouse excrement in food? Are you running a damn Dirty Water Dog cart or an arena, Dolan?). Payback came, but slowly. Now, once again, the residents of the Garden look down at their suburban brothers like bastard step children. It’s time these two proud traditions rekindle their bromance and take out a few decades of frustration on the Cablevision Corporation’s League and Association toys.
  •  The Rivalry – In case you couldn’t tell from the amount of pure vitriol that flows from my mouth every time I think of the New York Rangers, I hate them with a fiery passion. Every true member of Islander Country says that with pride, ditto for every true blue Ranger fan about my team. That’s the way it should be. Hockey is the one sport above all other where you can’t fly that bullshit answer of “I’m a New York fan!” statement and claim to love both teams. Why? Because in baseball and football, they aren’t in the same conference,much less the same division. In the NHL, they are both in the “quick bus-ride full of hate”, the caldron of spite that is the Atlantic Division.  The proponents of places like Hamilton and QC talk of former and hypothetical rivalries. Please, shut up. Islanders. Rangers. It’s the greatest rivalry in all of sport. Don’t kid yourselves with crap like Yankees Red Sox, where the game is played at it’s slowest most boring level when those 2 hook up, testing each other for weaknesses. Isles-Rags is run and gun punch you in the face balls to the wall hockey. The New York Islanders were born in 1972. They came to life in 1975 by running the Rangers out of the playoffs. They were pimp-slapped in 1978 when Davidson backed the Rangers to a shocking upset and a run to the Finals (which none too surprisingly… the Rangers choked away!). But that lowest of lows for the Islanders, dropping a series against a depleted outgunned Rangers team was the impetus for the Architect Bill Torrey doing what needed to be done. It would be a long time before the Rangers dared puff out their chest at Isles country again. The Islanders made rolling the Rangers a yearly tradition. It’s why no matter what they say, the Rangers NEEDED to beat the Isles in 1994 on their path to the cup to validate it. That’s what a rivalry is about. It’s a litmus test for the validity of your accomplishment. Your team’s day isn’t complete until you check their boxscore and chuckle at Henrik getting roasted twice by Rob Schremp. That’s a rivalry. How about 300 minutes of penalties… IN A PRESEASON GAME? (See Rick DiPietro vs. Al Montoya at the conclusion of a pre-season linebrawl). That’s what makes hockey the best sport in the world. That’s why the NHL needs Islanders-Rangers.

That’s the list. Rip it to shreds if it strikes your fancy. That’s my home. That’s my team. That’s a marriage made in heaven. The fact they’d move into the exact spot where the scum that was O’Malley and Moses haggled over putting the Dodgers and ultimately lost them would heal a giant wound for Brooklyn. You could even call us ‘dem bums’.

Hockey Crowd Etiquette

 

Hey you, screaming at the fan next to you for cheering too loudly.

Shut up. You’re not the fucking mayor, asshole. The guys next to you paid for seats too. If they want to cheer, they can. If they want to tell the other team they suck, they can.

You paid for a ticket. You have a reasonable expectation to watch the game from your seat without someone infringing on your space or viewing experience.

Its not a playground. If you’re worried about someone chanting ‘sucks’, take your fucking yuppie spawn to a library.

People will chant and cheer and rave and scream. Welcome to the show.

The line is drawn at obscene vulgarity, physical provocation or insulting other fans.

I do believe if you rep your colors on the road, you need to be ready to hear “WHATEVER JERSEY YOUR WEARING SUCKS” certainly. But lobbing a beer? Catching an elbow? Unacceptable.

It’s a sport. You aren’t an athlete. You get into a fight you should go to jail.

Another thing: You yell anything out during either anthem other than the words, the guards should throw you out on your ass.

WHAT ELSE IM BITCHING ABOUT:

Comic books (Teen Titans, Flash and Aquaman were good this week) as was wrestling. I’m entertained.

What I’m not entertained by? Being 5 games out at the allstar break!

Fucking Wang.

My interview with Ted Starkey goes up tomo on PuckBuddys. Interview with Adam Proteau will follow thereafter. Working on collaborations with InTheFade, Ally of Hey Y’all Hockey and Yotes Gurl. I’m stoked. Lots on tap.

Keep reading, lets go Islanders and FUCK YOU CHARLES WANG.

Royal Rumble time, bitches. IM OUT.

ALL STAR DRAFT BLOG-A-THON

Dats going first made me happy. Love him.

Chara infinitely more likeable then Alfredsson as he never threw a tantrum and shot a puck at Niedermayer.

MALKIN to Chara.

So Far, It’s Chara’s Harlem Globetrotters vs the Ottawa Senators.

Timmonen? WTF?

Lupul is a funny fucker.

For the record, JT91 sitting next to Kessel and Phaneuf scares me. They’ll jump him.

I HAD NO IDEA KARLSSON WAS SO GORGEOUS.

Alfie takes Stamkos of the Sarnia Sting.

ADORABLE CAREY PRICE FACE IS ADORABLE.

Phil Kessel gets a thunderous LEAFS SUCK ovation.

Weber off the board.

DAN GIRARDI IS AN ALLSTAR?

Campbell is so ugly… and I like redheads.

YANDLE!!!

Poor JT is going last.

Alfredsson is such a homer.

The Allstar Game is Sens vs Leafs. Dion Phaneuf is still ugly and still a pussy. He looks like a BMovie Villain.

So far, No Tavares. 8 players left.

JT91 to Team ALF.

Pommer looking like he’s going last…

POMMER NOT LAST.

POOR JAMIE BENN.

 

JAMIE BENN NOT LAST.

COUTURE, HAVE A CAR.

Why Neil Greenberg is wrong, but not that fancy word Howie Rose called him.

So, last week, the blogosphere was aflame by Neil Greenberg’s list of the top 25 players under the age of 25. Then people dismissed it, then Howie Rose brought the simmering fire to a roaring inferno by lambasting Neil on the air for having the audacity not to include John Tavares on his list.

I’m not going to knock the guys on the list. I like the majority of them. But there’s 5 or 6 of them you could get a GM to trade you for Tavares.

I’m also not going to be looking up that word Howie called Neil. Sounded too science-y. I’m sorry, I’m a history guy. It was funny, haha, great Howie.

I “appreciate your passion, but tone it down” (as some asshole who tried to get me to shut up at the game said, fuck you too guy). But in reality Howard Rose, the only people who still give a shit about this team are the ones who read about in on a daily basis on messageboards, people who get their fix from junkies on blogs, not too unlike this one. We are among the most digital fanbases in the NHL. Look at my home away from home, Islandermania. Half the STH base is on there chirping Wang right now (By the way, Charles, you suck). So no, don’t bite the hand that feeds.You called out (though not by name, oddly enough) Neil Greenberg of ESPN, the WaPost and formerly of RussianMachineNeverBreaks, the parent site of Puckbuddys, which is the parent site of this blog. That makes me like Neil’s BlogBro-In-Law. 6 degrees of internet memes.

Anyway, I spoke a bit with Neil about his column after I turned Isles country lose on him by linking his piece to a few of my influential media friends who fed it to their followers and it became a pitchfork and torch wielding mob. I take all the credit for this. It was awesome to see that people still get pissed when this franchise is disrespected. I thought we lost all our passion to apathy. Glad to see that is not the case. Sorry you ate that shit sandwich, Neil. I apologize for calling the dogs of war. You are a nice guy who gave his opinion, you just happened to make a party foul against possibly the most pissed off fanbase in the NHL.

Why are we so pissed off? The constant disrespect. From every other fanbase, the officials… the league. We have a storied past. I don’t wanna hear shit from NuNHL fans whose teams have either never one a cup or took the fucking cold war off. Shoosh. This fanbase has taken 20 years of fecal matter in our faces and every year on opening night we come back bright eyed, bushy tailed and hopeful just to be crapped on again.  And then we come back again. Why? Because we really are pretty goddamn resilient. All we need is hope. And Tavares is that hope. He is the embodiment of that hope.

That’s why you got that anger, Neil.

That out of the way, let’s talk about why you are wrong!

Initially, I said Neil went after JT because it would be a controversial statement and there was noone left in Isles country to answer Neil’s call to arms. I dared him to pen the same piece about Ovechkin, basically implying he wouldn’t shit where he eats. He then provided me links of every anti-ovi piece he had penned. Oh, did I feel like a dick.

ANYWAY… Neil said to me in essence “Come at me bro” but don’t bring “Saw Him Good!” as analysis. Have something deeper.

Neil, you have my respect for your metrics, though they are in my opinion,  over analysis. I’m not Billy Beane. I’m a loudmouth blogger, so let’s tell ya what I got and we’ll compare notes.

The crux of Neil’s criticism of JT91 is that Tavares benefits from his linemates, JT’s lack of ‘clutchness’ and that JT is placed in advantageous offensive situations, thus not needing to go 200 feet to create, but rather being in position to capitalize on a chance from the moment he hits the ice.

Let’s take these things in reverse order.

Why is JT91 put in offensive situations? Why? Because a line better suited for defensive situations will take own zone draws, headed by our Selke candidate, Frans Nielsen. It’s not a knock on JT, it’s an asset we have on call, a legitimate shutdown defensive centerman. John’s talents are better utilized in neutral zone draws or Ozone faceoffs. Tavares wins nearly 55% of his draws. He also now has the half wall attack dog, Kyle Okposo at his disposal for the ones he doesn’t win. That’s forecheck city, you don’t burn their minutes in your own zone. It’s not good resource management.You let Frans the Great Dane handle the bulk of the DZone heavy lifting. It’s just proper allocation of skill sets.

This is not to say JT91 is a DZone liability. Each year, incrementally, he has raised his strength on the puck, his battle level in the corners, and the most eveident, after working out with the same power skating wizard who aided Bobby Nystrom, Laura Stamm, he has made his skating explosive, making himself into a complete player, capable in all 3 zones. Hes’ 7th in the league in takeaways at last check. Neil told me that’s an unreliable homer stat (similar to FLAWLESS PRINCE MATT MARTIN’S LEAGUE LEAD IN HITS) which may be true, but my counterpoint is when you are that high up, you are doing SOMETHING right, even if the numbers are slightly askew.

Oh, the clutch thing. Oh boy. “John Tavares isn’t big in big spots” may have been paraphrasing, but that’s pretty close. Ok! The numbers call BS on that.

  • 18 of his 20 goals have been scored when the team is tied, up or down 1.
  • 9 have been in the 3rd period or OT.
  • 5 have been Game Winners, ergo he is 6th in the league in GWG.

Big time spots. Big time goals, dial 91.

The last point actually made me chuckle. Tavares “benefits from his linemates strengths”. HA! PA Parenteau is going to buy a house this offseason and owe it to John Tavares. He is the straw that stirs the drink. Let’s look at his 3 most frequent linemates to this point in his career and their production with and without him.

Matt Moulson: Tavares’ finisher, Wingman, and BFF.

Moulson was ferrying back and forth between the Manchester Monarchs of the AHL and hanging in the Kings Pressbox. Before arriving on LI, he had 6 career goals in 29 career NHL games. And looking back at his numbers through the NCAA and the AHL, he was never a 30 goal scorer. Since he arrived and was pit on JT’s wing, he has eclipsed 30 goals both seasons and looks to hit 40 this year. But yeah, the guy was waiting to explode on the Kings depth chart before being reunited with childhood friend John Tavares. Certainly, all draft picks go through what 4 organizations before stardom, right? Odd, that.

P.A. Parenteau: “Screw it, big win. Do It Shirtless!”

Ah, PAP. Much maligned by some Isles fans because of his pedigree (Ranger castoff), a minor league journeyman kicking around the AHL for years (Drafted in 2001!) he shockingly enjoyed a career year on Tavares’ wing. He had a whopping 3 goals in 27 career NHL games before finding 2 tickets to Tavaradise. Last year, riding shotgun with JT, he potted 53 points. He started guns blazing this year, but once he was taken off the line, he has cooled. Odd, that.

Kyle Okposo: Back from the brink.

It’s been a long hard road for Kyle. Injuries and poor developmental supervision nearly snuffed out his potential. He was struggling recovering from a very bad shoulder injury during last season to start this campaign, and many in Isles country had began to call him the dreaded ‘B’ word, which no young player ever wants to hear. Then he was put on Tavares’ wing and magically became a PPG player. His career high before this season was 18g. He’s at 11 already. Odd, that.

John Tavares is the guy that got all of these players going. It’s not the other way around. The man is a top ten player in the NHL right now, let alone a top 25 player under 25.

As for the ‘saw him good’ portion of the analysis Neil feared was coming… he’s right. I saw him do good. He’s pretty fucking awesome.

Game Notes TML 4, Isles 3. Final / OT

I…. ah. I’ve de-raged.

For now.

BUT FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING COCK TEASING REFEREES. I HATE YOU. YOURE FUCKING AWFUL. DIE.

Anyhow,

Isles blew 2-0 lead. Didn’t get 1 powerplay gainst the dirtiest clean team I’ve ever seen.

Tavares called the referee a fucking joke. The referee didnt laugh.

Good on JT91.

For a tough guy, Dion Phaneuf is the biggest pussy I have ever seen.

Anyhow, http://t.co/WXb95ycJ that is all you need to know about what the referees saw in this game. That led to the GWG in ot.

Clark McArthur is a chump and had like 45 goals against us tonight.

 

JT91 opened scoring on a BEASTLY feed from The Okposolypse.

Bails made it 2-love on a feed from FLAWLESS PRINCE MARTIN, shorty slice.

Gustavson kept everything else out through vodoo magic until PAP popped one in during the dying seconds.

Blown call again in OT that i showed the pic of = game over.

Whatever. Postgamed at Friendly’s. Brownie Sundae = sleepy Vinny.

Pregame went to the team store, bought sick ass practice jersey (Orange! REMINDS ME OF THE GREAT PUMPKIN JERSEY!) for $65 on sale from $99, by the time we got to seats they had sold so many that they raised the price to $70. HA. HAHAHA. The clerk said “You bought a jersey, go over there to get a random player auto. I GOT TAVARES. TAVARES. TAVARES. TAVARES. JT91.

I got home and took the DiPi / Campoli auto off my wall. I hate you Campoli, you malcontent sack of shit. Rick, I love you. Retire.

And that’s that. Anyone want this DP/Campoli pic?

State of The Island

An organizational assessment of the New York Islanders

From top to bottom, I’m going to take a look at the NYI and we shall see who were deserves to play out this year and be back, who has value and should be dealt, and who needs to go to the glue factory.

On Ice (NHL Level):

One line and some assorted parts…

John Tavares: Simply put, the most important player to any franchise in the NHL at this moment. He is the reason this fanbase has any hope currently and the reason people think the NYI exists in 4 years time. Untouchable.

Okposo, Grabner, Moulson: This trio isn’t going anywhere. These are all upper echelon players who bring different things and all 3 have multiple years left on cap friendly deals. Okposo is the prototypical power forward who has found his consistent net drive and snarl to become a rock in that dressing room for years to come. Moulson is Tavares’ rad bromance (Yes, that was a Gaga joke) and a legitimate 30 goal finisher. He’s Mark Parrish in terms of net presence, but unlike Parrish, he can skate… and SHOOT!  Gremlin is a legit PK maven and streaky guy whose speed alone makes him a perennial 25 goal guy.

Nielsen, Parenteau: Two legit top 9 players both pending UFA. I. Love. Frans. He is so wonderful. He is the hero of the songs my heart sings. I’ll never forget  soft spoken Radek Martinek’s words. “I love him so much. He is wonderful. If anyone hurt him (I’d kill them).” Oh gosh, I’m over come with emotion. I miss you Radek, my sneaky-sneaky friend.  I digress. Frans is a selke future winner (He finished 6th last year in voting with the NYPHWA boycotting, he could have won if they voted). You don’t GIVE that away. If you truly believe Cizikas will fill his role, fine. Fine. But Casey needs to earn that. Frans must be back. I believe PA must as well. Our prospect cupboard is overflowing. We do not need picks. If both return, We maybe need to add 1 legitimate top 9 player up front. 2 if you lose one. That’s all. If you lose both? Our forwards corps become a wreck akin to the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Nino Niederreiter – “El Nino, Spanish for the Nino!” is coming on like a train lately. He’s a rock of our prospect pool. Get him on the third line, now.

Matt Martin – Hold me, one of the flawless two princes. The NHL’s leading hitter, a fearless bulldog who will fight anyone, and a strong puck possession forward. I crush on him.

Brian Rolston, Marty Reasoner, Tim Wallace,  Jay Pandolfo – You all have accomplished a lot at the NHL level (other than Wallace, who has done exactly… yeah). Congrats on your careers. Please collect your paychecks and gear at the front desk.

On to the thin blue line…

Travis Hamonic and Andrew McDonald – THE OTHER OF THE TWO PRINCES!!!! I love Hamonic. His amazingness cannot be put into words. Youth, snarl, hitting, shot blocking and an ability to jump in on the rush? He might actually be perfect! But my adopted son lost a tooth. Fix that, Shakey. Glue something in there. AMac is the perfect counter to Hammer. Positionally sound, smart instincts, largely stay at home. And if anyone touches him, Hamonic destroys them because of bromantic obligations.

Mark Streit – The Captain. He needs to stay as a veteran glue. That’s all there is to it. I’d love to say our D corps is solid enough to trade him, but that’s a blatanly laughable statement. Hahaha. See? Laugh.

Steve Staios, Milan Jurcina – this is a case of snarl if too old to get into position to properly use it, and a case of size but an unwillingness to be physical. We already have Jurcina’s clone in the “I’m a big man that hits less than Tom Poti” in Wishart. Staios’ clone, Brendan Witt, already retired. Just saying… goodbye.

Dylan Reese – Wow. I shit on this kid last year. He has grown up mightily. He can stay as depth.

Mark Eaton – Holy dog dick is he steady. He’s just injured, often. He is Martinek Version II. I like his play, but his frailty and age make me yearn for a younger more durable replacement.

The defenders of the crease:

Rick Dipietro – I love you. Unabashedly. You are what made me an Islanders fan.  You need to retire for your health, your team and your fans. Right Now. I still love you. But as Coldplay said, if you love someone, you can let them go.

Al Montoya and Evgeni Nabakov – One of these men, I have no preference as I love our quirky Chicagoan and Enigmatic Russian equally, will return and serve as starter with Kevin Poul in in his stead next year. The End. I’d give a slight edge to Montoya in the two isles preferred qualifications: Young and Cheap.

On the Ice – Prospects (Quick assessment of the team’s key cogs in development)

Kevin Poulin, Ryan Strome, Calvin DeHaan , Casey Cizikas – I’m rue to move any of these kids as they all seem legit, and will see significant time on LI next year.  The only concerns here are CDH and Poulin’s injuries.

Scott Mayfield, Andrej Pedan – Raw, large, nasty Dmen. Stay forever.

Brock Nelson, Kirill Kabanov – two intriguing high ceiling forwards prospects. Would not deal without a fellatio worthy trade.

Aaron Ness, Matt Donnovan – Both are playing very well at the Bridge and look like they could be NHL contributors some day soon, but could be dealt for help NOW.

Kirill Petrov – HA.

Rhett Rakashani, David Ullstrom – Both look like serviceable NHL parts but are by no means untouchable.

Mike Haley – Why are you not on Long Island punching people in the face?

Off the Ice, Organization:

Charles Wang – I hate you. You petty, vindictive, stubborn asshat of a man. Please go into the afterlife, posthaste sell the team to someone who wants to win on Long Island.

Garth Snow – He is currently a puppet. But he is a ruthless, shrewd puppet. I’d like to see him under a real owner, or given a chance to go out and get a real coach with a spine. Last time he had 1 in Nolan, we looked solid.

Jack Capuano – You poor Flinstone looking man guy. I like you. I do. But you are not a smart hockey coach.  At All. And you show no emotion. I’m genuinely sorry Jack, but you must go.

Scott Allen, Doug Weight- Its amazing such an incompetent HC has two very competent Assistants. If you don’t believe me, look at our PK and PP ranks. FIYAHPOWAH + WATER BOTTLE SQUIRT = HAPPY VINNY

Howie Rose – At least 6 times a season, when Howie is rousted from his malaise, he DESTROYS someone who has ripped Isles Country. And it’s wonderful.

Butch Goring – HA. Pat Flatley is taking your job.

Billy Jaffe – BABY COME BACK.

Where does this leave us?

Next year, on the ice, we should look like this:

Okposo-Tavares-Moulson

Grabner-Nielsen-Parenteau

!El Nino!-Strome-Quality VETERAN UFA (NOT A RETREAD, WANG YOU CHEAP FUCK).

Martin-Warm Body with PK skills (Like say KONOPKA?)-Hopefully HALEY?

Hamonic-McDonald

TWO LEGITIMATE UFA DEFENSEMEN, NOT RETREADS WANG YOU CHEAP FUCK.

Striet-Prospect (CDH, Ness or Donny)

Montoya/Nabby-kov

Poulin

That’s all for now. See you next time, or I will see you another time!

NP – Two Princes by the Spin Doctors