Hello Long Island!
How have you been? I missed you.
The 2013 (originally the 2012-13) season is upon us.
The theme of the season, to me? PAYBACK.
I’m tired of the mocking. Tired of the ceaseless jokes. Tired of the rebuild. Tired of the ap floor. Tired of being tired.
Our Defense should be improved. We have actual NHL defensemen now. That’s nice. We should, even score a few goals. We are however, basically a 2 line team. When Joensuu and Bailey come back we improve to almost a 3 line team. We will be bad, once again. But to be honest with you, I don’t entirely care. I’m conditioned to deal with bad hockey. What we do have in guys like Matt Martin, Joe Finley, Matt Carkner and Eric Boulton is angry men with granite fists. I say to hell with ‘the family friendly atmosphere’. Lets beat some people up. Go WHL on their asses. Make Nassau Coliseum a den of scum and villany. I’m basically making an appeal for carnage. Why? How can I be this jaded on opening night?
I think I know why. Because we’ve reverted to spineless hockey. We’ve reverted to allowing our guy to get boarded, let our ineffective power play sputter around for a few minutes (I swear to god I had nightmares that brian Rolston was still on the point) and then never retaliate. Dont be that team. If we are going to lose, lose with some cajones. If anyone touches Tavares, bury them. It’s really that simple. If we’re gonna be terrible, and loathed, at least make us terrible, feared and loathed. Fear and Loathing in Hempstead. That could be Kate Murray’s re-election slogan! I digress…
That’s enough brooding about the season! There’s a game tonight! Lets break this bad boy down.
Keys to getting NJ off their game:
1. Distract fat Uncle Daddy Marty with donuts. And relatives he hasn’t had an affair with… yet.
2. Stop Zach Paris… Wait Minnesota gave him how much? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
3. Offset Bryce Salvador’s leadership intangibles.
4. Give out hand sanitizer so our fans and players dont come down with whatever plagues came with these ‘people’ when they crawled out of the swamp.
5. Doubleteam Kovy. Seriously.
PS: They gave Zajac more than Tavares. I don’t even…
Keys to Long Island Victory:
1. Tavares. He drives the bus. Everyone else is an accessory. Accounting for 5 goals should do it. 2 G, 3 A and we should win.
2. Not getting injured. Im looking at you, Martinek.
3. Don’t be dumb. This includes too many men, delays of game, starting Rick DiPietro and signing Wade Redden. Sorry Hartigan.
I’m out. See you at the game.