If I could sum up my outlook on a great many things with a quote, it would be from a great man. A king even. Well, he was a King. But not a great man. More like a Great robot. A Great Robot Dinosaur King.
“Me Grimlock Love challenge!” – King Grimlock
The fun thing about running, is as the mysterious Cabo Blanco said, “running should be free”. Just toss on a comfortable pair of kicks and Go.
And Go. And Go.
Despite training plans, despite routines, you can just go. But why? What motivates one to go out when it’s ridiculous temperatures?
Well, I need to be hunting. Or hunted. I started this quest to get better at softball and hockey. Now I sparingly play hockey. It is making me more dangerous at softball, but I run to run now. I run to outrun the ghost of who I let myself become and chase the ghost of who I want to be.
And this is where it got me: I completed 7 races and an obstacle course in 2013. I saw myself survive a 10K to wrap up my *SERIOUS* race schedule last year and did a hard 5k on NYE to enjoy myself. That enjoyment turned in to taking a shot at a sub 40 min 5k. Missed that mark because my biggest issues is pacing. One of my two running swamis constantly cautions me against spending all my ammo in the first few minutes, but I get geeked and it goes out the window, Vinny gonna Vinny. I’m not the best strategic thinker.
All was not lost though. I did clock my fastest mile ever! 11:56. I’m gunning for a 10 minute mile one day.
I’m going to DNF a race one day, probably, right? I’m going to tear something and go down like I’ve been shot. I’m going to finish last one day when I bite off more than I can hack.
I haven’t yet. And that, which I would define as failure, could happen one day.
I’m certainly closer to last than I am first. But I finish. FINISH IT.
Pull it up by the bootstraps and find a way. Find a way to persevere.
Perserverence can be aided by people that believe in you. I’ve got a great community of runnerhockeyblogger twitter people that support each other. Even my IRL friends who know me have given up mocking my running and assuming I’d give it up like so many fads I’ve tried before. I’ve got this bug. I’m competing against myself and it’s a game i want to win. To win, I must chase down who I want to be and outrun who I became. To do that, I must persevere.
That’s what I had to do this weekend. I was rolling through mile 3. Miles 4-6 sucked and were agony. But miles 8-10 were joy. Why? Because when I hit Mile marker 8? I knew god himself wasn’t stopping me from hitting that finish line. And I got rolling again.
Willpower is an amazing fuel supply. But I’m not powered by willpower most of the time. I’m powered by a force I marshal better than any human being on the planet.
Everyone that ever told me I can’t. Every one. Every voice. Especially the one in my own head. There’s NO BETTER satisfaction than shutting up self doubt. Believe in yourself.
My fat ass just bagged two laps of the most famous park in the world. My first 10 mile race felt amazing. Next month I notch my first half marathon.
That’s been the goal I’ve been building to since I got serious.
And then Self Doubt can go curl up in a ball and die.
I’m fleeing my past, chasing my future.
I run because I’m a runner.
I run because I enjoy doing what I’m told I can’t.
I run because I believe in myself. I run for the people that believe in me, and because I love proving my haters wrong.
Take it away, Warrior poet Papoose.
Enjoy that one,
Until next time, folks. Be good.