Game Recap: Isles 4, Canes 3 F; Pou-LIN Dynasty

Out sick from work today. Feels like the flu. literally bed ridden all day. DTD with Flu like symptoms. I’m a gamer tho. Dont fret.

Okposo back to Grabs-Nielsen, PAP to the Dynamic duo of Tavarizard and Moulson Golden.

Isles open the scoring.

The Okposolypse.

Isles get sloppy. It is 1-1. Some random flushing toilet scored. Suter?

Tlusty scores seconds after nudie photo time … i mean intermission.Tap in. 2-1, Flushing toilets.

Holy Jeebus. THE TAVARIZARD. Wowza.

The Great Dane, moments later, from Tavarizard. Danish Superprince on fire with new contract.

Sekera? roofs onethat came to him  off the ref. Bang. Tie game end, 2.

Seconds into the third, TAVARES IS MAGICAL. LIKE DR. DOOM RIDING UNICORN ON A RAINBOW.

That’s your final. 4-3. Ho hum. 3 points for JT.

Some asshole Caroliner Flushing Toilet shoots it well after the whistle. John Morrison? Who? Doors? What? Anyhow. Matt Martin goes raging bull at him, Stupid ugly Eric Staal And some other Flushing toilet make it 3 on 1. Then Skinner comes over, now firmly safe with a 4 on 1 advantage and throws a suckerpunch. And then Pandolfo sees this and the crafty veteran pool cues him with the buttend. Hilarious.

4-3 Good guys.

Win, Poulin, who is approaching Flawless Prince status.

3 points for PAP, who WANTS THE MONEY. GIVE HIM THE MONEY.

OMG. FORGOT: TRAVIS HAMONIC RESUMES SKATING MONDAY. THEY SHOWED HIM ON THE TEEVEES. I AM CONTENTED.

Stars: 1. TAVARIZARD JT91, 2. PAP, 3. POULIN

please move El Nino to third line, Rolston to the end of time and Haley to 4th line.

Oh, BTW: I didnt recap the Florida, St. Louis or Montreal shit shows. I will recap when we lose. If we show up. If they don’t, I won’t, or I just go scorched earth and say hurtful things about everything, so why bother?

PS: Sweeping Kirk Mueller is wonderbar.

GM RECAP: Isles 2 Kings 1 F/OT – Oh Captain, My Captain!

Yes a little Whitman for the masses. Feel educated. Ladies and gents. Today was a day!As Ice Cube said, it was a Good day. Wow, Warrior Poets Walt Whitman and Ice Cube in one Paragraph. Top that!

Took my boy @Jrkeating to the game in a belated birthday celebration.

Not a bad one at all.

KENNY JONSSON Day. YESSSSSSS KJ. The Eight Captain in Islanders History joins the pantheon of Isles legends in the team HOF (Still missing Tonelli and Lafontaine!), classy speech by the tux clad Swede. Pictures abound on my twitter.

Words from teammate and Isles GM Garth Snow, fellow Swede Bobby Nystrom, STE-VE WE-BB! (I think Webby crushed the cameraman), former HC (HOW DID WE FIRE YOU?) Peter Laviolette, and BE STILL MY FLUTTERING HEART, ADRIAN AUCOIN.

Isles dominate first 10 minutes. Grabner pots one from The Okposolypse and That playmaking phenom, Mark Eaton.

Kings take control and well, own the next 30 minutes, getting the equalizer off a scrum in front.

We’ve entered the thunderdome portion of the NHL season where on ice assault is overlooked.

That’s fine. Isles need to realize this and up their truculence. If only they had someone like Mike Haley on call. Haley had a hat trick, tonight. Not a Mike Haley hat trick (3 Fights, 1 Goal), but a honest to god Hat Trick Hat Trick. Call Him Up. Demote Wallace. STAT.

Happy Birth-averservery, Max Talbot. Last February 11th was a  wonderful present for you, da?

Anyway, on to the third period. Looked like Isles would have to shorten the bench when NHL leading Hitter, The Staplegun, Matt Martin crushed a King (wanna say Brown?), but bounced his own head off the glass.

He returned to a thunderous ovation. Several bloggers and media members called that “courageous”. Don’t do that, because it implies that anyone who returns from a concussion is chickensh-t. And we don’t want to pressure people with BRAIN INJURIES to rush back into action. That’s how they die.

Anyhow, the Isles dominate the 3rd, but can’t solve Moulson’s Bro in Law, Quickman.

TO OVVERRRTIMME:

The 13th Captain in team history decided to honor the 8th and fellow blue liner with one of the most gorgeous end to end rush OT Winners you’ll ever see.

Amazing. As Warner Wolf would say, lets go to the videotape:

http://video.nhl.com/videocenter/console?hlg=20112012,2,818

(Fast fwd to three minute mark if you are ADD addled like me).

Actual Butchie greatness on the call:

“Hello Martinez. Goodbye Martinez. Game Over.”

The Goal in the Captains own words:

“(Moulson) gave me the puck, I just skated toward four of their guys and tried to spread them. I made a little move, cut back and all of a sudden I was in front of the goalie and decided to score.”

Please Mark, Oh Captain, Oh Decider, Decide to score more often.

Back to .500. Tremendous memories via the Captain and the Former captain. What better way to honor them then with this shirt from our friends the talented ladies over at@PucksAndPixels listing the 10 most important Isles Captains ever: http://skreened.com/pucksandpixels/ampersand-islanders-captains?direction=asc&field=order&query=&start=0&count=20 (I purchased the Slate Gray, black font looks nice on it).

Now that the obligatory cheap plug is out of the way: ONWARD!!!!

Team is playing really well right now. Keep it up and we may be forced to ADD at the deadline.

NP:

EDIT:

“Was Vinny scolded by Overzealous Parents during a day game?” update:

NOOOO, maybe the Mayans are on to something. I Behaved. One rendition of “If you know the Rangers Suck Clap Your Hands” got some looks (seriously, screw you people!), other than that, only wayward glance for a LUSTY booing of Charles Wang’s name during HOF Ceremony.

Game Recap: Isles 2 Sens 1 (OT) MARK EATON LOL WUT?

Ah, the Ottawa Condom wrappers.

Real talk here, Ottawa. Why is Alfredsson “one of the classiest men in the NHL”? Am i the only person that remembers this? Really?

 

Fucking Garbage.

Glad you never won a cup. Nice fake banners from the cro magnon period, Sens.

Garbage.

ANYWAY!

ON TO THE RECAPPING.

The first period: Whistle Whistle Whistle. Isles Shot. Whistle. Lather rinse repeat.

Second period: Whistle. baack and forth play. Isles power play. Nada. Sens PP. No Sale. Isles PP… Sens Shorty by some guy just before end of period. MOTHERFUCKER. I think i rebroke my toe kicking my desk.

THE FINAL STANZA (MAYBE): MATTYYY (WHO DA MAN, GINA? YOU THE MAN…)….MARTIN! From MV-PA.

Teams trade chances. Another big Isles PK. Tavares and Okposo get posts.

Alfie still a bitch.

To OOOVVERRTTIMME (THE FINAL, FINAL STANZA):

EATON. LOL. EATON. IN HIS 600th GAME. FIRST GOAL IN 121 games. From Jurcina. Backhand spinorama. Of Course! Obvious goal is obvious.

Secondary helper to MV-PA.

ISLES 2, SENS 1 final.

Suck it, Alfie.

 

 

 

Game Recap: Tavares 4, NonJT Isles 1 Canes 2

Hahahahaha.

TO THE RECAPPING!

NEW YORK ISLANDERS @ Team With Flushing Toilet logo that should still be named HARTFORD WHALERS!

The best Flushing Toilet is Cam Ward. I love him. He is Billy Smith II. I hate Eric Staal, and stupid Sutter spawn that Doug Weight knocked out.  Skinner and Faulk are cute, but they play for KIRK PIECE OF SHIT LOWLIFE MUELLER {/Iron_Shiek_Voice}, SO STFU.

TO THE GAME:

MV-PA from Tavares. Powerplay is cash money. Its why Biased NHL wouldnt give us any against stupid Leafs.

Moulson from PA and Streiter. Moneies on the Powerplay.

Carolina roars back on nifty backhgand roofjob and a ridiculous goal where a guy was laying on Pouuuulliinnnn. Stupid Skinner.

Matt Martin staplegunning bitches. Travis Hamonic holds the hammer that says on it ‘Whosoever Holds This Hammer, If He Be Worthy, shall possess the power of the Mighty Thor!”. And Poulin is downright nasty. I love.

2-2 game… getting late, momentum all Flushing Toilets. And then Tavares happens. And then Tavares happens Again. And then Tavares happens again again.

1 helper setting up Okposolypse Now, 2 hammer jobs from N HL’s 4th leading scorer, the Marginally Talented JT91.

Who is third in the league in Game Winning Goals, despite not being clutch as Neil Greenberg explained to us.

Wondrous win.

John Buccigross has referred to Tavares as ‘Filthy Mittens”.

I shall call him “Unmitigated Splendor.”

I leave you with these:

“BAH GOD KING, THAT’s JOHN TAVARES’ MUSIC!”

State of The Island

An organizational assessment of the New York Islanders

From top to bottom, I’m going to take a look at the NYI and we shall see who were deserves to play out this year and be back, who has value and should be dealt, and who needs to go to the glue factory.

On Ice (NHL Level):

One line and some assorted parts…

John Tavares: Simply put, the most important player to any franchise in the NHL at this moment. He is the reason this fanbase has any hope currently and the reason people think the NYI exists in 4 years time. Untouchable.

Okposo, Grabner, Moulson: This trio isn’t going anywhere. These are all upper echelon players who bring different things and all 3 have multiple years left on cap friendly deals. Okposo is the prototypical power forward who has found his consistent net drive and snarl to become a rock in that dressing room for years to come. Moulson is Tavares’ rad bromance (Yes, that was a Gaga joke) and a legitimate 30 goal finisher. He’s Mark Parrish in terms of net presence, but unlike Parrish, he can skate… and SHOOT!  Gremlin is a legit PK maven and streaky guy whose speed alone makes him a perennial 25 goal guy.

Nielsen, Parenteau: Two legit top 9 players both pending UFA. I. Love. Frans. He is so wonderful. He is the hero of the songs my heart sings. I’ll never forget  soft spoken Radek Martinek’s words. “I love him so much. He is wonderful. If anyone hurt him (I’d kill them).” Oh gosh, I’m over come with emotion. I miss you Radek, my sneaky-sneaky friend.  I digress. Frans is a selke future winner (He finished 6th last year in voting with the NYPHWA boycotting, he could have won if they voted). You don’t GIVE that away. If you truly believe Cizikas will fill his role, fine. Fine. But Casey needs to earn that. Frans must be back. I believe PA must as well. Our prospect cupboard is overflowing. We do not need picks. If both return, We maybe need to add 1 legitimate top 9 player up front. 2 if you lose one. That’s all. If you lose both? Our forwards corps become a wreck akin to the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Nino Niederreiter – “El Nino, Spanish for the Nino!” is coming on like a train lately. He’s a rock of our prospect pool. Get him on the third line, now.

Matt Martin – Hold me, one of the flawless two princes. The NHL’s leading hitter, a fearless bulldog who will fight anyone, and a strong puck possession forward. I crush on him.

Brian Rolston, Marty Reasoner, Tim Wallace,  Jay Pandolfo – You all have accomplished a lot at the NHL level (other than Wallace, who has done exactly… yeah). Congrats on your careers. Please collect your paychecks and gear at the front desk.

On to the thin blue line…

Travis Hamonic and Andrew McDonald – THE OTHER OF THE TWO PRINCES!!!! I love Hamonic. His amazingness cannot be put into words. Youth, snarl, hitting, shot blocking and an ability to jump in on the rush? He might actually be perfect! But my adopted son lost a tooth. Fix that, Shakey. Glue something in there. AMac is the perfect counter to Hammer. Positionally sound, smart instincts, largely stay at home. And if anyone touches him, Hamonic destroys them because of bromantic obligations.

Mark Streit – The Captain. He needs to stay as a veteran glue. That’s all there is to it. I’d love to say our D corps is solid enough to trade him, but that’s a blatanly laughable statement. Hahaha. See? Laugh.

Steve Staios, Milan Jurcina – this is a case of snarl if too old to get into position to properly use it, and a case of size but an unwillingness to be physical. We already have Jurcina’s clone in the “I’m a big man that hits less than Tom Poti” in Wishart. Staios’ clone, Brendan Witt, already retired. Just saying… goodbye.

Dylan Reese – Wow. I shit on this kid last year. He has grown up mightily. He can stay as depth.

Mark Eaton – Holy dog dick is he steady. He’s just injured, often. He is Martinek Version II. I like his play, but his frailty and age make me yearn for a younger more durable replacement.

The defenders of the crease:

Rick Dipietro – I love you. Unabashedly. You are what made me an Islanders fan.  You need to retire for your health, your team and your fans. Right Now. I still love you. But as Coldplay said, if you love someone, you can let them go.

Al Montoya and Evgeni Nabakov – One of these men, I have no preference as I love our quirky Chicagoan and Enigmatic Russian equally, will return and serve as starter with Kevin Poul in in his stead next year. The End. I’d give a slight edge to Montoya in the two isles preferred qualifications: Young and Cheap.

On the Ice – Prospects (Quick assessment of the team’s key cogs in development)

Kevin Poulin, Ryan Strome, Calvin DeHaan , Casey Cizikas – I’m rue to move any of these kids as they all seem legit, and will see significant time on LI next year.  The only concerns here are CDH and Poulin’s injuries.

Scott Mayfield, Andrej Pedan – Raw, large, nasty Dmen. Stay forever.

Brock Nelson, Kirill Kabanov – two intriguing high ceiling forwards prospects. Would not deal without a fellatio worthy trade.

Aaron Ness, Matt Donnovan – Both are playing very well at the Bridge and look like they could be NHL contributors some day soon, but could be dealt for help NOW.

Kirill Petrov – HA.

Rhett Rakashani, David Ullstrom – Both look like serviceable NHL parts but are by no means untouchable.

Mike Haley – Why are you not on Long Island punching people in the face?

Off the Ice, Organization:

Charles Wang – I hate you. You petty, vindictive, stubborn asshat of a man. Please go into the afterlife, posthaste sell the team to someone who wants to win on Long Island.

Garth Snow – He is currently a puppet. But he is a ruthless, shrewd puppet. I’d like to see him under a real owner, or given a chance to go out and get a real coach with a spine. Last time he had 1 in Nolan, we looked solid.

Jack Capuano – You poor Flinstone looking man guy. I like you. I do. But you are not a smart hockey coach.  At All. And you show no emotion. I’m genuinely sorry Jack, but you must go.

Scott Allen, Doug Weight- Its amazing such an incompetent HC has two very competent Assistants. If you don’t believe me, look at our PK and PP ranks. FIYAHPOWAH + WATER BOTTLE SQUIRT = HAPPY VINNY

Howie Rose – At least 6 times a season, when Howie is rousted from his malaise, he DESTROYS someone who has ripped Isles Country. And it’s wonderful.

Butch Goring – HA. Pat Flatley is taking your job.

Billy Jaffe – BABY COME BACK.

Where does this leave us?

Next year, on the ice, we should look like this:

Okposo-Tavares-Moulson

Grabner-Nielsen-Parenteau

!El Nino!-Strome-Quality VETERAN UFA (NOT A RETREAD, WANG YOU CHEAP FUCK).

Martin-Warm Body with PK skills (Like say KONOPKA?)-Hopefully HALEY?

Hamonic-McDonald

TWO LEGITIMATE UFA DEFENSEMEN, NOT RETREADS WANG YOU CHEAP FUCK.

Striet-Prospect (CDH, Ness or Donny)

Montoya/Nabby-kov

Poulin

That’s all for now. See you next time, or I will see you another time!

NP – Two Princes by the Spin Doctors